I Found Treasure!

I am so grateful for the seed that was planted long ago in my hubby's heart for adoption.  He has a papa's heart and deeply loves and values family.  I am thankful for the anchor he is for our household, and for the wisdom and perspective he brings.  Although I almost always complain about it, because it is different from mine, I truly treasure it and am grateful for the richness that it brings to my life.

This morning was one such treasured morning.  I dreamt last night that we were in Haiti for our bonding trip.  A woman showed me into a room with two kids, a boy and a girl.  They were clearly not the twins. We played with them and read books to them.   I finally pulled the woman aside and asked, "Where are the twins?"  She brought me out of the room and explained that there was another family that came and got them earlier.  I was trying not to make a scene but I could not stop crying and was so distraught.  Even after I woke it took me a while to realize it was just a dream.  I shared it with Brent, and in true Brent fashion he was quiet for bit, held my hand, and then prayed for me.

The truth is, I have been fighting fear ever since we were matched with the twins.  I see their faces, pray for them everyday....we love them, and they are part of our everyday as a family. The thought of this somehow not coming to be (for whatever imagined reason) really scares me.  As Brent prayed, a greater truth came and permeated peace.  He prayed, ".....Lord these kids are yours.  They always have been and they always will be.  Our biological children, they are not ours.  They are Yours.  The twins, they are not ours. They are Yours.  Thank you for the gift of being able to love them and raise them...."

The great peace and assurance of God came, not because He assured me that they were mine, but because He assured me that they belong to Him.  They are in the safest hands.  Their future and their hope is secure in Him, and because of Him.   He is, and always will be, the author and perfecter of our faith.  I am reminded today of the great treasure we have in Christ, and in each other!!!  Today I choose to rest in His great truth, and appreciate the people in my life who so lovingly remind me of them every day.

 "Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him.  For he shields them all day long and he rests between his shoulders." Deut. 33:12

Give Them Up!

          Grateful feels like such a small word to me lately....I'm searching for more to describe the gratitude in my heart to the Lord; for His Word, His promises, for access to Him through Jesus, for dear friends, for compassionate strangers, and for his faithfulness to provide!  Whether it is finances, a friend to talk to at just the right time, or fresh strategy in prayer, HE HAS BEEN FAITHFUL to bring it! Absolutely every penny, every detail, and every moment of this adoption process has been a divine move of God. 
           Lately the Lord has been moving me to rise up early. (I have completely given up on fighting these moments!) If I'm up early while everyone else is asleep, I usually walk quietly around the house and pray, but recently I've been heading out back.  I felt like the Lord was giving me new strategy in prayer for the twins.  I stood at my patio and faced the South/East and stretched my hands toward Haiti and began to pray for our children to be released....That every hold over their lives, and over their paper work would be released....That every scheme of the enemy to keep them orphans would be thwarted, and that they would come home and come into their identity as sons and daughters.... 
          Two things happened as I did this.  One, a Don Potter song came to mind, called, Give Them Up.  I pulled up the song, pulled out my bible, found Isaiah 43, and began to sing it and pray it over the twins. It felt like such a gift to have these voices and instruments declaring along with me.  Two, I looked again toward the South/East from where I stood and noticed the two "twin" palm trees directly in front of my hands! I began to declare Isaiah 61 over them:

 
Jesus you came

"....to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."

Isaiah 61

".....Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east

and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’

and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’

Bring my sons from afar

and my daughters from the ends of the earth—

everyone who is called by my name,

whom I created for my glory,

whom I formed and made."

 Isaiah 43:5-7

 

I share this update with you to give glory to God for His Spirit that He freely gives, and for His great and precious promises to us! And also to ask that you would pray along with me in this season that our son and daughter from afar, who are called by His name and created for His glory, would be brought in!   

Update:

We have recently been given news that our case, along with some others specifically from our orphanage are expected to receive referrals soon.  This is a very very big deal. As soon as we receive our referral we will be making our two week bonding trip to meet them and spend time with them!!! We are reeling over this.  Although I can not share all the details, this is a crucial time for prayer.  Please join me in praying for God's mighty hand to move over their lives and over all the logistics surrounding them right now. 

I can't say thank you enough to those of you who have lovingly stood by us in this journey! God's richest blessings to you!!!! 

Grant It Jesus

....Grant it Jesus is my plea....

I've been half jokingly singing this old hymn for the past two weeks.  With the significant increase in adoption costs due to the specific orphanage our twins hail from, we are in quite the financial predicament! We are still waiting to find out about the finances raised from friends and family at the Radiant Adoption Banquet, but the good news is, we picked up a check at Radiant Church today from the Fireworks booth sales!!!! The church very graciously picked up the taxes for us which allowed each family to receive $4,000.00 Hooray!!! Sure, it always feels great to have money, but it has never felt so good to deposit a check.  All the things I ever thought I needed or wanted money for absolutely pale in comparison.  Again, we are very grateful for the many friends who came out to help or purchase fireworks to bring our kids closer to home! We love you!!!

Thank you!!!!

 With the many recent successful fundraisers and the large amount still remaining, we are now hitting the adoption grants hard.  The timing is tricky though.  To apply for grants you have to wait until your Homestudy is complete.  Some of them want it submitted close to your departure date, but we can't move closer to our departure date unless we have the money :/  Many require a referral and picture to submit... I am hoping and believing that now is the perfect time for our family to submit.

So we are now up to our ears in grant applications.  This is no small task and although I can be quite ambitious, I knew I couldn't do it on my own.  Pretty much every grant is crazy intense.  There are several essay questions, personal info, detailed financial info, references, agency info, etc.  I am ambitious, but I am not stupid....and I am also not organized.

The amazing Dee and Zaphire!!! Can you see the halos?

So, I called a couple of dear friends who have "THE GIFT" (Cue heavenly angel's sounds).  They set me up to fly. It had taken me two months to complete ONE grant.  They came to help two weeks ago and since then I have submitted FIVE grants!!! I am so thankful for their help.  Still, my brain feels like it is turning into mush and I am just praying that we will actually be awarded grants!!! Hence the song stuck in my head "Grant it Jesus is my plea..."


We are applying for grants, matching grants, as well as an interest free loan.  We still have a hefty stack to work through.  So please join me in prayer that I would have the stamina to keep going and that our family would find favor with the many gracious organizations that we are applying to.

I have another prayer request, if you please.  As I have been eating drinking and breathing grant apps, and jokingly singing "grant it Jesus" I backed it up today and asked, "What are the actual lyrics to this old hymn?"

I am weak but thou art strong

Jesus keep me from all wrong

I'll be satisfied as long

As I walk, let me walk close to thee.

Just a closer walk with thee

Grant it Jesus is my plea

Daily walking close to thee

Let it be, dear Lord. Let it be.

Man, I get tears just thinking about it.  He is truly who I want, and all that I need. This is my plea.  This is the true longing of my heart.  Not to have enough money to get the twins, not to have all my you know what together, and not to get enough beauty sleep, but to walk ever close to my Savior and dearest friend, Jesus. 

Thank you for taking the time to read....I pray this blessing for you as well <3

Bitter-sweet

Some of my favorite moments as a mother happen when no one is looking.  When I spy out my bedroom window and watch Grace bake cupcakes in the sand box, or listen in the hallway as Elijah saves the universe, or catch my tween flexing and puffing up his chest in the mirror.  It gives me butterflies in my tummy and a lump in my throat.  In the midst of all the chaos and day to day conflict there are so many sweet moments to be captured.  I have always been one to stop and smell the roses; to take note of detail...and to wonder.


The road of adoption has been a bitter-sweet one.  Every thing that we love and enjoy as a family now carries the sting of our little ones who are not with us.  It seems to make it's way into every detail.  Saturdays are always hard.  I imagine the girls sharing a picnic, or all three boys playing basketball as I look out my kitchen window. But this is where it gets me every time- that darn rear view mirror!  We load up in the van to head to church or make a quick trip to the grocery store. I give the rear view mirror a check,  call back, "Every body buckled up?" and look to see all their faces. What used to be a seemingly harmless routine now brings tears to my eyes, because I look back and NOT every one is buckled up.  Not everyone is there.  It's crazy how it hits me.  One of the kids may or may not notice and ask what's wrong.  I'm honest...and we pray.  The prayers rise like incense and the sweetness fills the air.

Yesterday evening we were all just kind of putsing around, happily doing our own thing. I hear my middle boy from the kitchen.  It was loud and clear, yet I could hear a tightness in his throat. "I love you so much mom and dad......It feels like I'm about to cry...." I brought him over to me and sat him on my lap. He turned his face in towards my neck and started to cry. He said, "I am just so glad I have a family..." I held him and we quietly cried together.  There is this sadness.  We all carry it now.  It is a sadness that cries out for redemption and has the aroma of hope.  It is a mixture of immense gratitude and a new awareness of the great need and loss around us.  It is a very potent mixture. 

We knew when we stepped foot on this path that it was an unknown one.  We knew it wouldn't be easy.  There is always an out, there is always the opportunity to fake it or distract myself from it,  or BECOME bitter.  But when we drink the cup that the Lord gives us no matter how bitter or sweet, it always causes our lives to BECOME sweeter.  It's not just a story or an experience it is the sacrificial love and life of Christ that has been poured out for us and in to us by his Spirit and his grace that causes us to become like Him and share in His joy!  All we do is drink...we just say yes...we trust Him. 

I am so grateful that Jesus drank the cup to seal my adoption!  It was for the joy set before him that he endured. I know my cross is different from His but I am called to take up MY cross and FOLLOW him.  I gladly follow that man!!  Even through tears, I will trust Him as I wait.  At my absolute weakest I will worship with all my heart.  And I will remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!

Oh Sacramento!

In mid March my friend Brandyn and I finally finished our Dossiers!  This was a huge accomplishment for us.  We spent over a year compiling stacks of paperwork. One packet for the US, and one packet for Haiti (the Dossier is the Haiti packet).  Every paper needs to be notarized, State certified, and then authenticated by the Haitian consulate, before it can be translated and then finally sent off to Haiti.

We decided instead of mailing and waiting for the State certification that we would take a little road trip to Sacramento and get it done then and there! Thankfully we arrived with plenty of time to spare because we ended up needing every minute.  We soon discovered that each of us had 2 documents that had not been properly notarized.  We had to book it on foot to the UPS only to find that the notary's stamp was expiring within the nest few months.  This would not work for us.  Thankfully we found that we were both fast-walkers! We made our way from L and 10th to Q and 18th, got what we needed and headed back to the Secretary of State office.  Here we are- papers in hand,
exhausted but still smiling.  Rejoicing in the fact that we have moved one big step closer to bringing our children home!!!

That was trip one.  I honestly cant even remember why we had to go back again.  But we did, and this time we knew exactly where we were going and what we were doing. Ha! We arrived at the office confidently with papers in hand, only to realize our papers were never even stamped by the notary! Our notary was getting married the following week so we'll chalk it up to that.  But what was our excuse?! Somehow neither of us noticed.  So back to the UPS on Q and 18th, and back to the Secretary of State. You do what you gotta do.  We enjoyed a meal together and headed home. My heart has been beyond grateful for the gift of my dear friend Brandyn.  The Lord paired us perfectly together and it has been such a blessing for our family to be on this journey together .

Here we are looking a little more refreshed and ready to ship out our completed Dossier!

Sometime in the middle of waiting for our Dossiers to be translated, authenticated, shipped out, and legalized in Haiti we found the twins.  And once again I had to head up to Sacramento.  This time we made it a family trip of it.  We went up to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, headed over to visit our dear friend (who had been hospitalized for over two months) and his precious family.  Spent the night with another family friend and hit the State Capitol on the way home. 

I didn't know you could walk right into the State Capitol for a tour.  You can! And we did!

Got our documents for the twins!!

 

Our mini date at Estelle's

Not far behind was trip #4.  This time Brent and I made a date of it.  We got a call on a Tuesday morning, saying that one of our papers needed to be corrected.  I was in the theatre with the kids and Brent was having coffee with a friend. As soon as we were done we dropped the kids of with Grammy, hopped in the car and rolled out.  We found the most amazing little spot called Estelle's Patisserie Bakery and Espresso Bar. Had a quick drink and pastry and got it DONE!


And now last but not least.  I had the privilege of traveling with my friend Amber who is adopting from China.  They just finished their Dossier and she mentioned she was going to head up to Sacramento to get papers certified.  I blurted out, "I'm going with you!!" I was so excited for her and thought, hey I know how to get there, I know where to go if we hit any snags, and it'll be fun.  Well, she had no snags, and I actually missed our exit and got us turned around, but we did have FUN!

Yay!!

And this my friends is Estelle's pastry case. We had a perfect little lunch and bought little cakes to take home to our families!