I have to tell the story. I can't let it pass by. I am making time because it’s too good. My God is too good and I can hardly keep up with him!
I woke up sobbing at 5:00 this morning. How many times have I sobbed in the last two years, from pain, sadness, anger, doubt, waiting? Always fighting for hope. Always longing. But this morning was a different kind of cry.
A little less than three weeks ago Brent and I returned from Haiti. I have yet to form adequate words for our time there and for our children there whom we love so deeply.
But if you were ever wondering, as my friend asked of the Lord with tears and hope, “Ok, God, Now what will prayer do?” Then let me tell you. Many of you have been praying for years, and the time finally came for us.
FRIENDS, I can not begin to tell you how we were carried by you. Not a moment of fear, heaviness, or darkness. We never felt tired, frustrated or sick for more than a moment. Our hearts were overflowing with every ripe delicious fruit of the spirit. Our love and appreciation for each other grew as we witnessed each other love on everyone around us, from the tiniest little baby holding on to life, to our driver, to the tired nannies, and of course all the kids. So many kids. We felt the love of God sustain us. We felt the overwhelming favor and blessing of God. And our time with our children was beyond what we had hoped for, and we had very high, deep and wide hopes. Every moment, we knew it was prayer. We knew it was God, but we knew it was prayer, and we knew it was you. Thank you. It’s a word we learn to say for everything from the time we’re given cherrios as a toddler, but I do say Thank you from the bottom of MY HEART!!!
Ok, so back to the sobbing! We came back from Haiti Monday the 12th of October. It was extremely difficult, and for the first week I hid and felt horrible. I didn’t even call my mom for many many days. Saturday came around and our dear friends Geoff and Jill Ludlow were hosting a retreat day called Oasis. They do these incredible days of rest, refresh, receive about 3-4 times a year, and I try to go every time for at least a portion of time. It has always been a significant time for me. They have been given some keys, so to speak, and everything they do opens up an atmosphere of God’s presence, safety, love, and HIS VOICE. Brent sent me for the day and I experienced such tremendous refreshing and encouragement. There is a lot I could share about all the ways God was speaking and how clearly he was confirming things in my heart. I felt him lifting heaviness and comforting me in my loss and sorrow, and giving me direction. But here is what kicked off the craziest? Wildest? Funnest? two weeks for the Stahl family. I just can't go into all the detail, it would take forever, but we’ll just say God used this hearing the holy spirit through the word of God exercise to speak to my heart about my fear of wide open spaces, and more specifically, moving to a larger home. The Lord was confronting me. I became suddenly aware of how awkward and uncomfortable I felt around the idea of a larger living space. The Lord began to lovingly put his finger on many areas of judgement, control, fear, you know, all that good stuff. He was beginning to undo years of lies, vows, beliefs, and unbelief. Well, then after this exercise, Geoff comes up for some closing words and what does he talk about? Yes, fear of wide open spaces. Well, I found that man afterwards and we talked and prayed and God was there and it was good.
I came home to an empty house. Yes! A few more moments of prayer and responding to the Lord!! :) God reminded me of a question he asked me about a year ago. I had sort of responded but I never actually answered His question. He had asked “Why do you think I would expand every other area of your life, your ministry, your work, your relationships, your family and not expand the literal place where you dwell?” At the time I said something like, “Oh, you’re right God, I guess I’m open to whatever you have….” But the Lord reminded me in that moment, His question to me was,
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| In our kitchen about 4 years ago... |
“Why do you not believe this about me?”
He was really asking me, can I show you why you don’t believe this about me and then let me show you who I really am? ….More undoing, more healing, more freedom. More YES!
Brent and I passed each other throughout the day several times and I never got to share with him. We finally grabbed a moment and sat down together Sunday afternoon. I asked him, “Hey! Do you want to grab some food and listen to me talk for an hour?!” And of course, he said of course :) I began to share what God was speaking to me about the house and moving, and all my junk, and all God’s goodness. We went back to the van and prayed. Again, more freedom. More goodness.
I was officially letting go, and we were officially looking for a new home for our growing family. The following week was full of hilarious God moments. We looked at one house this week, I was expecting it to feel like it was going to be it. It felt like everything we technically needed, but so much work. Like, insane amounts of work. I thought we could never afford something of this size with all that we are looking for without it being a fixer-upper. More listening, sorting and trusting. My faith was growing. I was seeing God initiate and lead every moment. This week came along and this story is not much longer. We found another house we wanted to look at. We all went on Thursday. When we walked up the pathway my heart started beating faster, we opened the gate to a beautiful little courtyard, it felt like me. I loved it. We opened the doors to the house and I felt a wave come over me. It took my breath away. Brenna (our friend and realtor) and I looked at each other. Her hands were up and her mouth was open. I was getting teary. It was beautiful. It is an older house, the style and character that we love, but almost everything was brand new and beautiful. Every room I stepped into felt this way. The landscaping from front to back was just beautiful. I was naming every plant and tree with delight. The kids all loved it. Brent and I loved it. Brenna took my hands and we prayed together in the back yard. To me, this house said, well taken care of, comfortable, special, protected. That is just what our family is going to need more than ever in this coming season. We went home, grabbed Elijah’s karate bag, went to practice, grabbed Soli from football, finally grabbed some dinner, got the kids to bed and applied online with a loan officer. We put in an offer the next day. There were already several offers in. We heard back within hours. Brenna had written a letter sharing about our family’s journey and they were so thrilled to know that all the work that they had put into this home would be going towards our family! The only counter offer was that we would extend to 60 days. Which means more time to sell our home for the down payment, and holidays here one more time for our family in the home they have lived in all their lives up to this point.
So here I am. I’ve got to get moving!! I’ve got to get my house ready to show and sell!!! But with tears of joy I had to write it out! And tell of his goodness to all my friends! You’ve loved us so well, listened, shared and cried life out with us. We are grateful for you and thankful for this good good Father and family that we have.
When the Lord brought back the captive ones of Zion we were like those who dream. Our mouths were filled with laughter; our tongues with joyful shouting. They said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.” The Lord had done great things for us and we are filled with joy!
